No Happily Never After

I Let my guard down.. and once again i was caught off guard. Stupid me. How many times have i been through this and i still never learn that These things are not meant for me. How much more pain do you want to get? huh? These things are much more painful than i could handle it. I used to stand so tall i used to be so strong. I should always have listen to what people said, never should i let anyone close. It just gonna cut deeper and deeper. I'm just sth tht ppl used and throws away. used up. rubbish. Trash. Just some stupid robot. so why can't i just follow what i am told. Let go. Live like a Robot. Forget. Be heartless don't ever feel. If I could do it all over again. I would wish to repeat things from the day when the September Holiday ended.
Some day I just keep pretending That you'll stay dreaming of a diffrent ending I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad And I can't keep something that I never had. I'm starting to feel All of my bruises imagined are real And I'll get through each day I dig through the bad ones To get to the good onesWho's keeping score anyway. And this is my beautiful life The only thing certain is everything changes Lows and the highs And all those goodbyes As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing To be alive. I talk in my sleep That's the one place I know no one can hear me I tell my self things Don't walk in the shadows, there's always tommorow And I'm right where I want to be. It hurts while it's happening I wanna feel everything How will you know 'til you try?
You know what. I really feel like getting out of this island as soon as possible would really make me sane again.. I don't think i can live with all this long enough for my soul to catch up. For now.. i'll just do whatever it takes to fake tht smile. better?