Although its been months

So its 3 months away from the prelim exam. 

Can't believe its coming so soon. I'm serious this year is very fast. I mean now its already the 7th months of the year. Its already been 8 months since the whole thing happened. It still feels like it just happen recently. This is ridiculous. Wish there's some way to pause the time for awhile. To just stop & let me think. 

Well I'm glad that Angela is here now. There's new member to the family of SG. hahaa. 

but anyway it was just really exciting. 

There's a whole new thing to get use to. Can't believe my elder cousin is already been here for over a year. 

crazyyy... apart from that, my class have been deciding on whether or not we should perform for teachers day. It would really be a lot of fun. :D 

I do miss him still. Idk why. Just lost a best friend that i spend most of my time with I guess. 

But i should be over it by now, but I haven't ... but whatever on that, who cares.

3 weeks ago had been awesome weekend. wedding of my oldest cousin! He's so Old already. 

hahhaa, I'm happy for him (: 

Daily exam life

SO it's almost finished. 1 more paper and I'm free-er. At least for now. Then I'd have one less thing to worry and stressed about. 

Can't wait till june even though it's not gonna be a real holiday. But at least it's called holiday. 

Getting the Truth. The Whole truth nothing but the truth.

How does it all come to this... I wish I knew to. I wouldn't have thought my life would be this complicated. I wish my life was simple and easy. Some people seems to have it easy.

Somestimes...

I wish I knew who you really are. 

I thought I knew. But i was wrong.

I wish I hadn't meet you. 

I wish it all hadn't turn out this way.

I wish I can have you back.

I wish I knew whether the person I knew back then, is the person I know now.

I wonder are you e same person i've been talking to for the last 2 years. 

I wonder if you're still there.

I wonder if you're telling me the truth.

I wonder what are you doing.

I wonder where are you.

Why can't you tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

is it me or it's you. I've been questioning myself all these while what you mean to me? What am I to you.

The things that happen, is really making me feel like I could just disappear into thin air and just know everything.. even it burst my heart into pieces. 

cause it doesn't matter anymore. you've torn it into pieces before.

What's up with the weather?

Does weather affects people that badly?

Seriously idk whether its because of the hot day or sth. But it's like its hot and it made me very very angry and pissed and frustrated all the time! Especially with my mom and sis and family ... strangely friends don't made me angry tht much.

I think its the way they say things or sth. It like just made me frustrated sometimes. My mom's like do this do that , clean here and there. Its really getting annoying. I mean since they've write the duties already. ugh. i dont feel like explaining. Whatever.

In the midst of MYE (PRELIM 1) right now. I wonder how it all gonna work out. I studying and stress is filling my head. I hope it'll go away. 

When in Italy

Whatever it is...

Have u ever felt like you're done and finished with that one thing but deep down inside you still have a little spark of hope? Like even whenever u thought that u're done , there's still so many things that u cared abt deep down inside.
School's been tough and life is tougher. There's so many things to fight for in this life. Start sth new and some things ended. I have so many things going through my mind but i'm not sure how to put it in words.
Just not long ago, i realise that most of the friendship can end that easily. I attended the leadership program and met some friends there. but i realise we have our division of friends. and unless we get to know them well enough, they'll not change their pov and ey will not change out mindset within 1 week.
I've been so many graduation and ending to so many things. Church classes end and we said to each other at tht point of time, that we'll still be contacting with each other, but in the end it's so rare that we all talk. same story every time.
I'm afraid that secondary school friends might turn out to be like that again & i really believe that sec sch friends are the one that's gonna stay the longest, it's where u meet ur true friends. not only sec sch, pri schools too. but poly & uni, it's all abt getting the job done and competition. it's not gonna be the same anymore.
It's so hard to face reality.
I guess i will realise not to ever take advantage of anything that's given to me.

Words still left unsaid

You hurt me before,
But I won't let that happen anymore
The way you made me feel
The pain was so unreal
This thing that I can't ignore
Left me cryin as you shut that door


You don't even care,
So don't apologize don't even dare
You broke my heart in two
I thought our love was true
These feelings of despair
Like no other can compare

And you said those words so unforgiving
And that mistake I won't be reliving

Cause there's everything and anything
And all these things and all these words
That get stuck in my head
And even though it's just for fun, I don't want to be the one
Not another tear will I shed,
Cause I wish those words were left unsaid

And not this time, and not this place
And that mistake I won't be reliving

Semi - Finals Basketball Girls WON YTSS

YEAY! FINALLY WE WON! 

after 4 YEARS! you girls really had worked hard for it and I'm so proud of you all :D 

hehhe. CONGRATULATIONS! :D

So today I messed up quite a number of things. I really need to get hold of myself.

Before I changed into some horrible, apathetic person. 

huh... I'm sooo deprived. 

I'm sorry guys that I've offended you or hurt you in anyway. 

I'll shut my mouth next time. 

I'm really glad to have you all as my friends. 

Sorry for taking you guys for granted. 

I LOVE U ALL (: 

have you ever thought of the past and thinking back now, 

that it all happen so fast and that u can't believe it happened.

for better or for worse. 

It was an experienced that changed your life or whatever. 

Probably a mistake or a choice that you made, 

that made u ended up where you are now. 

Well what THIS whole thing about was, 

just simply, it amused me what i've been through

How far have i've gone to reach where I am today.

I guess there's ups and downs, 

it changed me to a different kind of person. 

good or bad. 

I'm gonna trust my heart and follow it. 

I'm glad I have everyone around me to be there and guide me. 

Friends and family. THANK YOU 

I LOVE YOU! 

Finally 18

THANK YOU EVERYONE THAT WISHED ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

It's been an amazing birthday. (:

So common test is over and Now working on Mid year. ( prelim 1)

Can't wait to finished up my art canvas too and ROME will be coming in another 2 weeks. 

I'm excited for that too. 

It's been really hactic lately with  Ms F. gone and everything else. 

My class knew it from the first friday, when the school started. 

yes, that's the campfire night. 

Anyway, I missed her as a teacher. 

Miss lee as a new form teacher has been great too. 

Can tell that she's really trying her best to make our class worked out.

also the new eng & lit teacher, she do things differently but 

she's working really hard to go through and make sure we can pass our eng and lit for O's.

Just know that I'm sorry I never wanted to make you feel so small
Our story is just beginning 

we'll let the truth brake down these walls
And every time I think of you 

I think of how U pushed me through and showed me
How much better I could be. 

Here I am with all my heart, I hope you understand

 I know I let you down but 

I'm never gonna make that mistake again
You brought me closer to who I really am come take my hand
I want the world to see
What you mean to me.

Adam Khoo Program

Well, I guess overall was fun (:

I had fun & enjoyable time in the talk.

there'll be continuation of it tmr.

Though, i guess i was a little distracted, 

but I know I shouldn't be.

I guess, I really have to keep pushing myself & forget abt everything. 

Have u ever felt like you're not important? 

Like the person you care about doesn't think that u are? 

It just made me more and more demoralized at times like this.

It made me want to not have any feelings sometimes.

Is this the part of life, I will feel like my world is ending? 

& if I survived through this storm I'd be much happier and more grown.

or I won't survive the storm? 

what should I do? 

N-Zone Basketball

Awesome job & Fabulous

for both basketball team of JunGang today (:

A BIG CONGRATS(:

u guys made me feel so sad that I can't play anymore this year.

I'm really glad that you guys are gonna change e cycle.

Keep it up and I wish u guys all the best for the rest of the upcoming match (:

LOVE YOU GUYS ALWAYS :D

viv, D, diy! I miss u guyss... Have to much things tht I need to let go!

Before I fall too fast, kiss me quick, but make it last
So i can see how badly this will hurt me
When you say good bye

Keep it sweet, keep it slow
Let the future pass, and don't let go
But tonight i could fall to soon under this beautiful moonlight
But you're so hypnotizing
You got me laughing while i sing
You got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
And your love is where im falling

See this heart, wont settle down
Like a child running scared from a clown
I'm terrified of what you'll do
my stomach screams just when I look at you

Run far away, so I can breathe
Even though you're far from suffocating me
I can't set my hopes to high
Cuz every hello ends with a goodbye

So now you see, why I'm scared
I cant open up my heart without a care
But here i go, its what i feel
and for the first time in my life i know its real

4E3 CLASS BBQ 2010

Yeay! I so love the class BBQ today 

We had so much fun (: 

Practically almost everyone turned up (: 

It's been so awesome for the fun times we had today.

I really enjoyed it & take my minds off things,

I hope things' gonna be alright.

It' haven't been for awhile..

I hope you're well off now.

U should really take care of urself more.

I know u said 'kk'

but are u really sure u're doing it.

It kills me to see u get hurt.

Please. take care .

Pretences

If anyone asks, 

I'll tell them we both just moved on

When people all stare

I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk

Whenever I see you,

I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue

Pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?

Can I open my eyes?

Is this as hard as it gets?

Is this what it feels like to really cry.

If anyone asks, I'll tell them we just grew apart 

Yeah what do I care

If they believe me or not

Whenever I feel

Your memory is breaking my heart

I'll pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong .

I'm talking in circles, I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away.

I don't know how to make it to e other end.

Claire:

I don't know what I can do anymore.

look at what had happen... 

It's not gonna be easy from here on.

It never was. 

except the fact that I was really happy then,

it made me feel like everything seems easy and simple.

I know what u said it's true.

but, every thing's ... harder

Yes Qishan & Leonard if you're reading this, 

U have noooo ideaaaa,

You'd be surprised. Literally. 

I know u probably won't even read this, but if you do.

Seriously, why can't you just tell me,

what's the reason, why, and what happen?

Did you think that I was unhappy when  I was with you?

Just because I wrote on e papers.

It doesn't mean I was unhappy. 

at those moments, I just felt, alone, 

cause you were busy.

If it was ur parents, 

then why things still cannot be the same?

You are out most of the time anyway, 

what difference does it make? 

why, pretend and forget it all never existed?

I thought U meant every word that u said. 

& that if u didn't mean it you wouldn't even say it.

i kept it, 

tht piece of straw.

it reminds me, tht it wasn't a dream.

Today as A day itself

I was stuck in school, 

Apparently the school's getting smarter. 

they totally banned everyone from going out of the school.

and they made CCA under curriculum time.

wow...

I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
but

It always turns out to be a different way.

I Missed School Today

I'm officially sick for 2010.

It's really amazingly crazy what people can do under depression.

I wasn't feeling well since Friday anyway

then the crying from what happen made my head to hurt even more 

and it adds up to the allergic that I'm having. 

On saturday I took the injection for flu which have side effects 

so therefore that conclude how i got myself in this stage of life.

I wonder at this stage, 

whether you're in school. 

I hope you don't break your promise to keep going to school.

It's very crucial at this point of time to keep going to school.

I hope you understand what I have been telling you these pass few days.

i miss you 

CLAIRE: 

You're gonna be alright (: 

You guys have been alright, so what makes u think you can't survive this. 

It's High School, you should just enjoy it with him. 

Doesn't really matter if he didn't made it through to the next lvl,

you guys will still see each other in school.

and don't give up (: you're a strong and awesome girl

you'll SURVIVE this! 

WE love you!

Love never dies a natural death.

It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.

It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.

It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

To you, You know who u are.

I wouldn't know whether U'll read this or not,

but I'll just write it out.

Please stop being like that.

I know you long enough to know that deep down you're good.

You're a good person.

I understand that maybe you're under a lot of stress.

I may not know what it might be,

but i want u to know that I'll be there for you.

I know you've heard that many times.

But I just hope you'll be alright.

At the least, knowing that you will be aright made me safe.

Made me feel happier and stronger.

I don't want to mess more things between us.

Please take care of yourself, know what's right or wrong.

Don't give up just like that.

cause in life nothing is as easy as ABC.

Everything that we've been through,

U've cleared it out of your mind,

even though I would never know whether you really erased everything

I wish there's some part of it that you'll not forget.

I hope it was not all for nothing.

Everything that happen meant a lot to me

I didn't , I can't forget about it.

As much as it hurts to remember everything,

as painful as it can be remembering those beautiful moments

even every time I think of those moments my hearts feel like it's going to blow.

I will not take it for granted.

You thought me a lot of things and I'm grateful for it.

I miss being with you.

Why this, why that ?

People that I cared about are leaving me one by one... 

why? why? 

I don't get it. What did I do wrong? 

everything's wrong with me.

Since I was a little girl I knew what I wanted

One day I would see the world and make my mark on it

Put in time, sacrificed never thought of thinking twice

Since I was a little girl I dreamed

Now I'm standing with you in this terminal

With a ticket so far from your love

Can I have one more kiss, one more touch

I just can't get enough of you

But I'm in a rush I got to fly away

Planes waiting up for me right at gate twenty-three

There's a doorway to my dreams

I could go or I could stay

Should I change my life or miss my flight?

My alarm clock in the morning said you got to go now

The breakfast you were calling and my heart just broke down

Cause tomorrow we will be waking up separately

Wish I never heard that clock ring

See I don't want to win if my hearts got to lose

So how in the world do I choose?

How can you messure the promise of love

When it's weighing against a chance that comes once

How can I leave when I know he's the one

When the dust settles he might now be here

And I'm standing with you in this terminal

Crying my eyes out in tears.

Every word that U told me,

meant a lot to me,

it means everything to me,

why all of this happen?

I dont understand. make me understand.

U left me hanging around without an answer.

i loved you.

Claire, thanks for that post. 

I know I'm suppose to be strong.

I will be, I will try.

At least to fake it for now.